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Alarming Lies


I have been spending some time lately dwelling on the epic battle of good vs. evil. The raging war that has been a draining plague on the universe since the day Lucifer got all high and mighty, and invented the false sense of entitlement. One of Satan’s greatest tricks to spread evil throughout the world is to present it ever so subtly and make it seemingly attractive and good. These subtleties are the ninja warriors of evil as they sneak into our lives and tear apart the very fabric that holds our society together. However, today the evil will be exposed, as I use the #1 communication medium in America, ACNS, to let you know the truth! The snooze button on your alarm clock was invented in the bowels of hell.

“Blasphemy! How can you say that SteveD?! The snooze button is my saving grace in the morning when I need that extra nine minutes of sleep.” – angry blog reader.

I’ve got news for you, angry blog reader. You’re wrong.

The snooze button is a mysterious contraption that was added to alarm clocks at some point in the timeline of human history, but, nobody knows for sure. It’s rumored that Lew Wallace, author of the movie classic, Ben Hur, invented the the malicious button, but the internet sources can’t be sure. You know it’s a bad sign when there’s no history of something on Wikipedia. The uncertainty behind the invention of the snooze button points to one clear explanation: Evil.

The snooze button has been breeding procrastination, lack of discipline, interruption of beautiful sleep, and relationship strife among roommates and spouses for years. The truth is that we snooze away to the very moment when we actually want to wake up. The subconscious has already made up its mind, and pretending that we’re going to wake up an hour early to be productive is beyond silly. However, it gives ourselves a false sense of productivity the night before when we set our alarm to go off earlier than usual. This also leads to letting ourselves down, time and time again, as we fail to meet our personal goals and expectations.

I believe it’s the little decisions we make in life that will lead to the formation of our character. Hitting the snooze button every morning is making the decision to willingly procrastinate. It’s making the decision to interrupt much needed sleep, when we could just figure out the correct time to wake up and sleep soundly up until that minute. It’s making the decision to hear that annoying alarm sound more than once. It’s making the decision to spread evil in the world. Let’s free ourselves from the addiction. Let’s be snooze-free.

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