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One Size Fits All

Yesterday I took a poll to see what you, our lovely readers, want to see improved upon here at ACNS.  I’ve decided that the best thing I can do is make everyone happy in this very post.

Five of you have requested that we add more writers.  I took the liberty to add legendary Teddy Bort to the lineup.  He signed a two minute writers contract, and although I can’t promise we’ll ever hear from him again, here’s what he had to say to the world:

“Go to http://thedaylights.com. Download the free single Rogue Machine. This band is friends with both Jon Foreman of Switchfoot and Chuck Bartowski. Pretty sweet.”  If you don’t do what Teddy just said, I WILL find you, so download it!

Six of you want to pick the topics that we write about.  What do you think this is… your blog?!  Ok, well you want it, so I’m going to go out on a whim and assume that you want us to write about lasers because that’s what you’re searching for these days as Lucas so eloquently pointed out.  Lasers are freakn’ rad!  Everybody around the world agrees.  They’re up there with other cool things such as ninjas, world peace, and Lamborghini’s.  The very fact that such a high standard of coolness is being associated with our blog screams to the heavens that we have made it to the big time, and that you are coming here to find out cool things.  Do you even know what a laser is?  I do.  I just wikipedia’d it.  A laser is a mechanism for emitting electromagnetic radiation, typically light or visible light, via the process of stimulated emission.  I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure that lasers would not be as cool if everyone called them stimulated emissions.

Next on the improvement to do list: the majority of you would like us to start conducting some interviews.  First on the list is the up and coming software developer from the magical land of Singapore, David Norton.  You may have heard of him because he’s kind of a big deal.

ACNS: David, would you rather fight Chuck Norris, Jack Bauer, James Bond, or Mickey Mouse?

David: Oh man.  That’s not even fair.  All of them.

ACNS: You’d fight all of them?

David: I guess I didn’t really answer the question.  If I had to fight one of them, I’d fight James Bond.

ACNS: I’m glad you didn’t underestimate Mickey.  Cartoons can do some crazy $h*%.

ACNS: What does Apple’s new iPad make you think of?

David: No comment.  Just kidding.  It makes me think of all the skits SNL could run about the name.  It also makes me think of the iPod and how many people hated the name when it first came out.

ACNS: Do you feel that Lucas is balding at a faster rate than he’s able to grow a sweet beard?

David: Yes, but so am I…and I’m not balding.

ACNS: Would you rather ride a llama to work every day or a Toyota Prius that might not ever stop accelerating?

David: No offense, Toyota (and by that I mean “I’m going to say something mean but if I say ‘No Offense’ you can’t get mad.”), but I would rather ride a llama (as long as it was not bred by Toyota).  I don’t want to get caught in a loofy-goofy hybrid anyways.

ACNS: Any other last loofy-goofy thoughts you’d like to share?

David: Yes.  Let’s talk about Rhode Island.  Neither a road, nor an island.  What’s up with that?

ACNS: That was not super original, but thank you for joining us, David.

David: Anytime! I’m looking forward to a long a beautiful relationship with ACNS.

ACNS:  First of all, Steve is a dude, so that’s kind of gay, and secondly, Steve is a cat.  Kind of messed up.

On to the next item of improvement.  Serious things!  This was the minority of you, but I respect that, and this is my serious thought of the day for you:  There is nothing that makes me cringe internally and become more uncomfortable than to listen to other people talk about Abortion as anything other than evil.  I’m a tolerant person and can talk to just about anyone even if I blatantly disagree with them.  However, when it comes to the topic of abortion I experience something that is a combination of deep anger and depression which makes me completely shut down and have to leave.  I could never be a sidewalk councilor, and I’m thankful there are people blessed to be able to stand up and fight back with words.  I will always have to be on the prayer side of that fight because the dis-acknowledgement of human life disgusts me to the point of paralysis.

Some of you wanted us to write about other things.  Way to be specific!  I have never written about Andy Samberg before.  He’s one of the stars on SNL and is notorious for writing random funny songs.  Prior to being on SNL he made the equivalent of well produced home videos with two other guys on www.thelonelyisland.com.  Check it out if you’ve never seen the old stuff like Awesometown!

Finally, five of you said that we should keep doing what we’re doing because you like us just the way we are.  I’m pretty sure I just did with my entire post so that takes care of that.  I hope you all feel a little bit more satisfied.

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