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Tacos = Bacon

I love my mother.  Marilynn is a wonderful and classy woman, and she raised me well.  Here’s the thing though…

I got married last October and I’m pretty sure I have put on my “married 15.”  In my defense, I never did the Freshman 15 in college so I had to pull it off at some point.  In my wife’s defense, she doesn’t cook bad food.  In fact, she cooks better food than I would make or buy myself, so that’s not the issue.  The problem is simple: my mom was starving me.

She didn’t mean to.  It wasn’t some cruel African dictatorship type of thing.  It’s just that my mom sees portions differently.   Case in point: we used to have taco night growing up, and mom would make enough for everyone to have two tacos.  TWO!  I don’t know anyone in America that only eats two tacos.   That’s like eating one slice of bacon.  It can’t be done with any type of satisfaction.   Tacos are like bacon.  If you’re cooking them, there should be a rule that requires you to provide a seemingly unending supply so those eating will not become frustrated.

Okay, my mom didn’t really starve me.  I’m just lazy and need to hit the gym now.

Yesterday was my first Father’s Day.  I can only communicate in a one-way fashion at this point, unless I have a genius kid that has figured out how to do Morris Code through kicking.  I’m pretty sure that most parents talk to their unborn babies as if they are babies, and say lots of cute things.  Not me.  I let my kid know that I was letting them off the hook this year, but in the future I expect a nice breakfast made for dad on Father’s Day or some other gestures of royal treatment.  You’re not going to get anywhere with baby talk so this is a perfect opportunity to educate them.  Besides, I know they’ll be a disgruntled teenager some day and I will long for the days when I could just tell them what I was thinking and not get any response.  My kid is going to be awesome!   Tonight I’m going to talk to them about how to get through college without going to class and come out with a degree and better paying job than everyone else.  I know I won’t be able to tell them this later or I’d be a bad parent, or at least get punched in the face by my wife, so I’m going to take care of these tips now.

iPhone4 gets delivered to my apartment on Thursday!  Who’s excited for me?  It’s shipping straight from China.

I watch a lot of movies, and I’m inclined to say this is one of the crappiest summer movie seasons in a long time.  However, don’t laugh, but the Karate Kid is AWESOME.  Check it out and you will not be disappointed.  It was funny, had great acting, awesome fight scenes, and some good life morals to it too.

I am working from home today which is why I’m blogging.  Have a wonderful week everyone!

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  1. August 20, 2010 at 1:54 pm

    This is mostly true, with a few exceptions.

    You can eat bacon all day, from morning until night, and probably never feel full. However, after only an hour or so of taco eating (depending on how many times you chew your food), you’re almost sure to have an episode of Mexican-style regurgitation.

    Also, I don’t think bacon has anything to do with the stock prices of Immodium, which I’m sure quadruple with the addition of every new Taco Bell in the United States.

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