Home > Uncategorized > Call Me Crazy…no really.

Call Me Crazy…no really.

Yesterday I perused Facebook.

It was an accident.  I was curious to see the lead singer of Anberlin’s Facebook page.  Saw the link in the comment section of Anberlin’s new video.  Which I was lead to by Twitter.  Don’t act like your internet shenanigans are any less sad/random.

I went to his page.  He had around 4,000 ‘friends.’  Back story.  I used to work for a label.  It was real.  We sold a fair amount of albums.  But like all labels, we died a painful, heartbreaking, career shattering, ill timed, dream-killing, finance-ruining death.  It was awesome.  Given the opportunity, at that point in my life, I would do it again in a heartbeat.  What I’m trying to say is:  this crap interest me.

Of the 4,000 friends he has, ten showed on the friends display.   I knew two of them.  One was a good buddy from High School.   I already knew he was real life friends with this guy, so I didn’t think much of it.  Facebook has algorithms that do that crap.  Randomly, the other individual was the lead dude from Relient K.  The label guy in me thought, ‘huh wonder if this is a public (fan) page or a personal page.  If it is a public page, I’m curious to see how many friends he has.’  (Their ‘new’ album if freaking sweet, but it’s not fan friendly.  I was curious about fan reaction.  Again, this crap interest me)

Relient K’s singer had around 400 friends.  A personal page.  Good for him.  Attempting to leave, I mistakenly clicked a random person. Low and behold.  We had a mutual friend.  Random.  The guy I clicked on was Asian and our mutual friend was the only Asian chick at my High School.  Random as hell.

Recently I scanned a news headline that stated this phenomenon.  It argued that everyone on Facebook is connected through no more than six people.  Wanting to see if this was true, I curiously started to click.  And I clicked.  And clicked.  And clicked.  The random mutual friends were astonishing.  People from college.  People from High School.  People from grade school.  Then something weird happened.   I started to see non-facebook-friend people I hadn’t thought about in years.

I found this dude who used to play in a great local Christian band that we all thought was the coolest.  Another guy who I swear I knew, but I could  not recall how or why.   Acquaintances I used to see here and there.  I kept clicking away.  Just clicking way.  Suddenly, I stumbled upon…her.




I stopped.  My heart stopped beating.  Could it be?  I hadn’t seen her since High School.   She was a friend, of a friend, of a friend.   SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP.  Not counting the illustrious list of girls I have dated, this girl was subject to the biggest crush I had placed on any girl.  EVER.  Allow me to elaborate.

Three of four years ago I found out, over a phone call, she was going to be a party I couldn’t attend.  It had been six years since I had seen this girl.  I don’t think I had heard her name since High School.  My first reaction?  To loudly scream out the ‘F’ word in a car with unsuspecting friends.  Very rational.  The appropriate response regarding not being able to see a girl who I had been around for…ooo lets say three weeks.

Not going to lie.  Over the years, once or twice maybe,  I looked around Facebook to see if she was on it. Never found her.  Until now.

I couldn’t click away.  I had to do something.  My mind raced.  Do I add her as a friend?  No too stalkerish.  But you know what’s less stalkersih? Looking at a few of her pictures.  Yeah.  That’s way less stalkerish.

Then I saw it.  The nose.  She grew a gigantic nose.  I’m not saying that I’m Tom Cruise.  But regarding the opposite sex, we all have things that just kill any type of attraction.  Bad teeth and big noses do it for me.  And hers was gigantic.  Suddenly, I felt light.  So light.  I wish I could explain it.  It made no sense.  I swear I’m not shallow. I’m still coming to terms with my sudden freedom.

This is a true story.


  1. June 30, 2010 at 11:18 pm

    U R CRAZY!


    That All


  2. November 17, 2010 at 4:21 pm

    That was hilarious. You should send this to buzzmachine.com’s Jeff Javis about living publically.

  1. June 30, 2010 at 6:23 am

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