Home > Uncategorized > Spandex is not pants

Spandex is not pants

I write to you to help me correct a horrible wrong being committed on a daily basis in our country. Spandex.

One of the perks of working downtown is the opportunity to get out of the office on my lunch break. There are a myriad of restaurants to choose from, and for those interested in people-watching, the opportunities are ripe for the picking.

The business crowd is plentiful during the lunch hour, as are the bums panhandling for their next fix. The bustling metropolis of Downtown Cincinnati is a beautiful place to be – except for days like today. I saw them, and I we made awkward eye contact; the most hideous sea foam green pair of spandex pants, folded up into some sort of knee-length shorts concoction, accented by ankle weights and a ratty tank top. The brain unit control center of the pants-delivery system sported a permed mullet and Sbarro pizza slice. Ok, most of that was a lie, but I saw the spandex, and they probably saw me too.

I would like to know exactly who wakes up in the morning and thinks it would be a good idea to wear form-fitting leggings to the downtown mall that day. It’s not just the girl I saw today, this happens on a daily basis to many people in our great country, and the injustices run rampant.

These people are obviously not mentally equipped to make fashion decisions on their own. Maybe they could get some inexpensive tips from the myriad of fashion websites designed for people on a budget – like this one, for example.

So lets spread the word to the world that this is unacceptable & inappropriate for human eye consumption. I’m wearing pants, why can’t you? Spandex is not pants.

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