Yesterday I perused Facebook.
It was an accident. I was curious to see the lead singer of Anberlin’s Facebook page. Saw the link in the comment section of Anberlin’s new video. Which I was lead to by Twitter. Don’t act like your internet shenanigans are any less sad/random.
I went to his page. He had around 4,000 ‘friends.’ Back story. I used to work for a label. It was real. We sold a fair amount of albums. But like all labels, we died a painful, heartbreaking, career shattering, ill timed, dream-killing, finance-ruining death. It was awesome. Given the opportunity, at that point in my life, I would do it again in a heartbeat. What I’m trying to say is: this crap interest me.
Of the 4,000 friends he has, ten showed on the friends display. I knew two of them. One was a good buddy from High School. I already knew he was real life friends with this guy, so I didn’t think much of it. Facebook has algorithms that do that crap. Randomly, the other individual was the lead dude from Relient K. The label guy in me thought, ‘huh wonder if this is a public (fan) page or a personal page. If it is a public page, I’m curious to see how many friends he has.’ (Their ‘new’ album if freaking sweet, but it’s not fan friendly. I was curious about fan reaction. Again, this crap interest me)
Relient K’s singer had around 400 friends. A personal page. Good for him. Attempting to leave, I mistakenly clicked a random person. Low and behold. We had a mutual friend. Random. The guy I clicked on was Asian and our mutual friend was the only Asian chick at my High School. Random as hell.
Recently I scanned a news headline that stated this phenomenon. It argued that everyone on Facebook is connected through no more than six people. Wanting to see if this was true, I curiously started to click. And I clicked. And clicked. And clicked. The random mutual friends were astonishing. People from college. People from High School. People from grade school. Then something weird happened. I started to see non-facebook-friend people I hadn’t thought about in years.
I found this dude who used to play in a great local Christian band that we all thought was the coolest. Another guy who I swear I knew, but I could not recall how or why. Acquaintances I used to see here and there. I kept clicking away. Just clicking way. Suddenly, I stumbled upon…her.
I stopped. My heart stopped beating. Could it be? I hadn’t seen her since High School. She was a friend, of a friend, of a friend. SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP. Not counting the illustrious list of girls I have dated, this girl was subject to the biggest crush I had placed on any girl. EVER. Allow me to elaborate.
Three of four years ago I found out, over a phone call, she was going to be a party I couldn’t attend. It had been six years since I had seen this girl. I don’t think I had heard her name since High School. My first reaction? To loudly scream out the ‘F’ word in a car with unsuspecting friends. Very rational. The appropriate response regarding not being able to see a girl who I had been around for…ooo lets say three weeks.
Not going to lie. Over the years, once or twice maybe, I looked around Facebook to see if she was on it. Never found her. Until now.
I couldn’t click away. I had to do something. My mind raced. Do I add her as a friend? No too stalkerish. But you know what’s less stalkersih? Looking at a few of her pictures. Yeah. That’s way less stalkerish.
Then I saw it. The nose. She grew a gigantic nose. I’m not saying that I’m Tom Cruise. But regarding the opposite sex, we all have things that just kill any type of attraction. Bad teeth and big noses do it for me. And hers was gigantic. Suddenly, I felt light. So light. I wish I could explain it. It made no sense. I swear I’m not shallow. I’m still coming to terms with my sudden freedom.
This is a true story.
What the heck was up with that touchdown Jesus thing? Was God mad? Was Jesus mad? I’ll be honest, I hope in 2100 years there is a statue of this on a major national highway. But let’s be honest. I think this is a sign that the anti-christ is coming. I’ll feed you baby birds. 1) The Bengals had a decent draft. 2) THE REDS ARE STILL IN CONTENTION FOR FIRST PLACE!!!!!! Holy Cow. I used to be a big, big baseball kid. In weight and enthusiasm. Then the strike happened. I lost a lot of faith. Not sure why. I can name every player on the reds 1990 World Series team. I idolized this man. I had a poster of the Nasty Boys for years. But after the strike, something happened. I still love the game. It’s just been hard to get into Reds baseball because they have been well…..average. Not like Bengals crappy where it’s so bad, your despair seems to carries you through it all. Just lukewarm. Not good. But not terrible. Anyways, I’m back on the bandwagon. Call me fair-weather. You might be right I see it more like a prodigal son kind of thing.
Wait weren’t we talking about touchdown Jesus and the coming Apocalypse? This is why my students love me. So last week I was on vacation. I just received a promotion. Wich is why I have been so busy and have been neglecting you all. My humble apologies. SO last week, I’m at my mom’s in Phoenix. I wake up. Check my Twitter, like a good twentysomething male. And I see this. Instantly, I knew it was the beginning of the end. Why? Because there is no way, in a sane world, touchdown Jesus burns down, and maybe five hundreds yards away, this thing still stands. (If you’re from Dayton and went to Kings Island during your youth, hopefully you get this)
While I’m at it: HOW FREAKING AMAZING WAS JUNE 23 IN TERMS OF SPORTS?!! The Reds won. People were actually talking about soccer. Like for real. And that amazing tennis match. Truly a unique day.
Also check out a band called Straight White Lines. They’re pretty sweet.
Till next time…
Some Stuff That I Like
A true rock band. To sound like a thirteen hear old girl: IMO one of the few real Christian bands left. I’m not kidding. Buy their album “You Know Who You Are.” Then, quit being cheap and purchase “Nostalgia Ain’t What It Used to Be.” You’ll be a better person for it.
It’s okay ACNS faithful. Once a while, go read another blog. After your done with ours. Then come straight back. Or Steve D will hunt you down like the hockey fan he is. I’m not kidding. I don’t understand half of his tweets because they are about hockey. Sorry, I’m what you would call an American.
It’s like Friends, but with an actual story. Also I think Friends was geared towards chicks. HIMYM is something dudes can enjoy.
I’m just that good.
Such a cool band. Violins. Rock. Emoish tendencies. The good kind. Not the neo green kind. Get their EP. Its good. I’m a little nervous that the rest of their stuff will wear out quickly. But for now, this is a Luke Carey staple. While you’re at it, listen to another Luke Carey staple: You, Me, and Everyone We Know. AKA Fall Out Boy without the suck.